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Blue

Went to the Global Service Jam this year and the theme was blue. The first thought that occurred to me was the colour blue, obviously. My second thought was ‘feeling blue’ feeling sad or under the weather.

Brainstorming at the Global Service Jam

It’s funny how weeks later, we redecorated our house and a lot of the furniture and decorations were blue. I’m not exactly sure why this particular thought occurred to me but I remembered the jam and wondered how my perception of ‘blue’ changed. It changed from the idea of feeling down to ‘home’. Blue is a sense of becoming for me, a sense of coming home to who I am. A good reminder of all the people that love and care for me.

The idea of ‘blue’ changed in my perception as I realized many things have too. There are so many things I used to think I hated or used to think I loved but later on discovered that my feelings toward them changed. A simple example would be tomatoes 🍅. I thought I disliked them but now I can’t eat any sandwich or salad without them. A lot of things about myself too. I used to dislike feeling guilty too much. But later on only discovered that it made me more in touch with my humanity and my feelings. That same feeling of guilt helped me refrain from making bad decisions.

They say time heals but that’s only because it allows you to experience more and replace your negative memories with good ones. Time heals only if you let it, only if you do something in that time. It won’t change on its own. That sad memory will never be forgotten and will always be at the back of your mind. That you can’t change for sure, I can’t promise that you’ll forget it and feel insignificant towards them. Whether you grieved over someone or failed utterly at something you worked really hard for, it’ll always be there at the back of your mind. The only difference is it just won’t be at the tip of your tongue when someone reminds you of something close to it. When I say blue now, I will still think of feeling sad but it won’t be the first image that pops into my head. The memory of your losses won’t be so bitter if you change the way you feel about them by experiencing better moments along those same lines instead.

Another example would be listening to a certain song and linking it to a memory you yearn for. That song is automatically tied down to that emotion or past event. But if you listen to it at your best friend’s wedding or any other really happy moment, that’ll be what you remember next time you hear it. It’s amazing really.

It’s very important to keep allowing change into your life. Allow things to be taken somewhere new. Open up your doors to new beginnings, new memories & new feelings. You shouldn’t feel guilty if your sad memories are being replaced by good ones. This is something I faced. I didn’t want to feel too happy because sometimes I felt it was too soon or that maybe it isn’t appropriate or respectful to the memory if I’m feeling too good without it. And then I learned that so what? So what if I’m too happy? Why can’t I hear this song and be happy if it used to bring me pain?

This change in perception and shifts of emotions will happen whether you feel it or not, but when it does, don’t be in denial of it. Don’t push it away. Accept the new changes and allow the new feelings to take you to where you’re meant to be moving on. Mine was coming home.

By Elaf Trabulsi

Engineer & freelance writer

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